15 Dec 2025 19:04:23
Sources indicate the Guehi situation deteriorated not because Palace failed to act, but because they acted out of sequence, with no regard paid to the diagram.
Parish did, in fact, secure the incoming centre back. Diomande was signed, photographed, hydrated, and placed temporarily on a KOMPLEMENT clothes rail pending final configuration. Sporting were informed. A receipt was issued. Everyone assumed the next step would follow. It did not.
Guehi’s approval sat in a KVISSLE tray marked “FINAL - 16:47.” At 16:32, Parish entered an unskippable pilates class. Mats aligned. Phones face down. Breath controlled. Core engaged. The spirit level confirmed balance. The window closed.
By the time Parish emerged - lengthened and centred - the deadline had passed, yet the release screw had not been turned. The replacement had arrived, but the original could not be moved. Two centre backs now occupied one conceptual bay, but only one label was authorised for public display.
Guehi was informed that he had been successfully replaced but not successfully sold. He sat on the edge of a HAVSTA, studied the grain, and declined to play football ever again. This position has not softened.
At this point, the project ceased to be financial and became aesthetic. Parish could not be seen to have failed twice: once to sell, and once to explain why the replacement had arrived early. Phase II was authorised. Diomande was retrofitted.
Tens of millions were redirected into advanced prosthetics and alignment work. Facial overlay applied. Jawline adjusted. Gait recalibrated by millimetres. Voice softened. Sweat profile matched to legacy data. He was reissued under the Guehi nameplate, mounted on an UTRUSTA soft-close hinge system to allow acceptable movement without squeak.
Palace then approached FIFA to regularise the situation.
The initial response was unreceptive. A long table. A small flag. Silence. The proposal - identity as domestic configuration - was met with the suggestion that “this is not how football works”. The matter was close to being dismissed outright until a folder was reclassified under the heading “necessary administrative contribution”. Details remain opaque.
Following this contribution, FIFA clarified that they had “always been open” to innovative solutions, provided symmetry was maintained and the broadcast product remained stable.
Sporting CP’s objection was then processed not as an ethical concern, but as a matter of balance.
To preserve symmetry, FIFA compelled Sporting to apply the same standard. Diomande’s replacement (name undisclosed) was therefore retrofitted in Lisbon to present as Diomande. Sporting are understood to be furious but compliant. FIFA confirmed the visual continuity test passed at broadcast distance and closed the file.
The loop is now closed: Palace field Diomande as Guehi, Sporting field someone as Diomande. The real Guehi remains in storage.
The Guehi currently starting looks correct, clears lines adequately, and responds only when addressed twice. Teammates have been instructed not to ask which screws are original. Broadcast zoom parameters have been quietly adjusted.
All of this traces back to eleven minutes of controlled stretching and a failure to follow the order printed on page one.
15 Dec 2025 19:45:58
Are you ok?
15 Dec 2025 20:07:08
I'm just glad someone has finally cleared up what really happened.
15 Dec 2025 20:34:35
Reads like AI to me.
15 Dec 2025 20:56:46
What happend to the lost pair of brass Wingnuts though?
15 Dec 2025 19:56:14
I think he may be drunk. Like the version of Isak we bought . Saki anyone?
15 Dec 2025 21:08:28
Read the first paragraph a couple of times then realised “FORNAX is back” ?.
15 Dec 2025 21:20:38
Read the first few words and scrolled on…. Zzzzzzz.
15 Dec 2025 21:21:14
Fornax - you’re obviously late for your lobotomy.
15 Dec 2025 21:41:00
Sorry. what was that .
15 Dec 2025 21:54:25
I think the problem is he was early for it HessleRed.
15 Dec 2025 22:39:16
Think anybody who writes over a 100 words to get a point across needs a good kick up the arse . I scroll past the posts which are just bit shorter than War and Peace.
15 Dec 2025 23:33:49
Tldr, Diomande was meant to be the Guehi replacement for Crystal Palace when he was about to move to us in the summer. Everything was agreed but documentation wasn't submitted on time and both deals collapsed. Sporting isn't happy with CP, we aren't happy with CP but both players are remaining professional and still giving their all for the club.
Not sure if I got all that right but that's my interpretation of Fornax's post. Could be way off though.
15 Dec 2025 23:24:18
FORNAX exists to observe how football supporters behave when meaning is partially withheld.
The Swedish Government identified three recurring engagement profiles. The system does not address them directly; it allows them to reveal themselves.
Profile #1: The Angered
Definition: Engagement via. Disdain.
Typical Responses:
1) Get help.
2) This reads like AI.
3) You need a lobotomy.
Function: The energy source. Their irritation converts directly into action, for example: replies, scrolling, IKEA footfall, smashed LACK units. They do not need to understand. In fact, understanding reduces output.
Success Indicator: They comment anyway.
Profile #2: The Confused
Definition: Engagement via. Cognitive friction.
Typical Responses:
1) I don’t get it, but…
2) Why did that make sense?
3) Re-reads, followed by extended silence.
Function: The processing layer. Confusion slows progress, forces re-reading and increases dwell time. IKEA metaphors feel more structural than decorative.
Success Indicator: They agree accidentally.
Profile #3: The Truth-Adjacent
Definition: Low-volume, high-fidelity receivers.
Typical Responses:
1) Can we have more cryptic posts please? .
2) When FORNAX makes sense, it’s a bad sign.
3) Referencing past posts correctly.
Function: Stability. Their presence indicates the signal is intact and the transmission is being received as intended in Malmo.
Success Indicator: They recognise continuity.
16 Dec 2025 01:49:31
FORNAX is an absolute legend!
16 Dec 2025 09:51:26
FORNAX, do you also know who that "alleged" gunman was on the Grassy Knoll?